Job’s wife
When your husband is called to suffer
Scripture for further study:
- “Curse God and die!” Job 2:9
Often, we are familiar with the suffering of the body. Like Cancer, or a sickness with no end in sight. Or the physical grief of death, with its deep and lasting heartache. But there is a suffering of the soul that sometimes lingers over us and our spouses, especially for those called to the Lord’s service. When you’re misunderstood. When you’ve served your heart out in ministry for years, only to be overlooked or forgotten about. When you’ve prayed and labored for souls, for marriages, for salvations—only to see marriages destroyed, friends leaving the faith, even souls turning against you because of misunderstanding.
Ministry, if done well, will lead you through some very hard seasons. Isaiah 53 describes our Lord’s life on earth, “like a lamb, led to the slaughter, he opened not his mouth.” Paul tells of sleepless nights, repeated imprisonments, and severe beatings. (2 Corinthians 11:23-28) And Jesus told his disciples, “If they did it to me, they will do it to you” and “A servant is not above his master.” John 15:20, John 13:16
To be fair, there are plenty of church leaders who get themselves into trouble because of their own foolishness. Yet even a blameless servant of God is not exempt from trial. As you read through the story of Job, you see what a servant Job really was. He took care of widows and orphans. He made himself available to listen to those in crisis situations (Job 29-31). He spent time and money for others. Yet the time comes and in the depth of his suffering, all his ‘friends’ do is to find fault.
And what is his wife’s response? She isn’t sitting with the friends (it seems), and her body isn’t being attacked—but still, this suffering is partially hers, too. And her response seems both shocking and strong. “Curse god and die!” —Who would ever say that?
Of course, most of us wouldn’t say these exact words about God. To an extent, we (often) believe that God is sovereign, that he allows suffering and circumstances, and that he has plans beyond what we can see directly in front of us. And this truth *does* bring an anchoring in times of trial.
But sometimes the trial has gone on for so long. Sometimes the suffering is so deep and so personal. Maybe it is a fellow coworker. Maybe it is a boss who is spiritually respected elsewhere but has a hidden temper that no one knows about. Maybe it is “my own familiar friend, we who had sweet fellowship together” (see Psalm 55:12-14) who has spoken a word against you unfairly. Or maybe there is just a situation that the Lord has called your husband to endure, but there is great financial loss, or there is a loss of reputation, or there is something that affects the family greatly. If you find yourself here, there is a temptation to encourage our husbands to “curse God and die.”
… of course, we wouldn’t say God. But if our hearts are not united to the Lord, and anchored in prayer—too easily, we may persuade them away from their calling. “Be done with that job” “Why do you keep serving there anyways?” “We could go somewhere else and make twice as much” “They forgot you again? They just don’t appreciate you.”
As wives, if we’ve seen our husbands in the Lord, if we have seen Christ in them, if we have heard the depths of their heart and we understand a bit of the situations they are going through…. Naturally, in the flesh, we don’t want them to suffer. We want them to just be done with that hard situation. We want them to be freed up to be at home with us and the family. We want them to be recognized and acknowledged. We see, more than anyone else, as the Lord allows them to go through these situations that are so deeply hurtful and unfair.
And yet, we must remember these situations are so often the very thing needed to prepare our husbands for a deeper working of God in their lives, and the lives of those he’s trying to reach. You can’t help but think of Peter as he is before Jesus. Peter tells the Lord, “Don’t go to the cross!! Lord, this will never happen to you!!” (Matthew 8:22-26) Of course, Peter loves Jesus, and he wants what is best for him. But what he doesn’t know is that it is best that Jesus goes to that cross. The thing that is the most pleasing to God, and most beneficial to Peter—and to all of us—was that the Lord went to the cross and died. And as we grow in Christ, we are called, our husbands are called, to fellowship in those sufferings with Jesus. “If anyone wishes to follow me, he must deny himself … for whoever wishes to save his life, will lose it… and whoever loses it, will find it…” (Matthew 16:24-25)
Friends, ministry wives, this is a hard road to walk. Sometimes we want to tell our husbands, “Curse the church, be done with his people” or “Curse that person that’s wronged you a hundred times, forget about them.” “Curse your calling and leave this place” And we don’t know that Jesus is looking at us and saying, “Get behind me Satan, for you do not have your mind on God’s interests, but man’s.” (Matthew 16:23)
You see, the Lord uses these moments. It’s really his way. And if you are blessed enough to have a husband who values the things of God. Who would stick by and defend and pray continually for one who has wronged him so many times, this is the work of God. This is the same work he did in Joseph’s prison. In David’s caves. In Moses’ wilderness. And on the cross with our precious Lord Jesus. It is the cross that brings life. Paul told the Corinthians that death worked in him so that life could work in others (2 Corinthians 4:12). Sometimes those deep sufferings that we watch our husbands endure are the very thing needed for the congregation to receive a tear-filled message next week. It’s the very thing needed for them to gain some new revelation of Christ or to overflow with life in the church. Deuteronomy 8 tells us that God led Moses through the wilderness, so that he may know how to lead his people through the same, dry, barren lands. Paul tells the Corinthians that God comforts us in our suffering so that we will be able to comfort others in their grief as well. (2 Corinthians 1:4)
And this is the calling of so many who serve in the church. Sisters, we’re called to pray through these hard times. We unite ourselves to Christ in prayer. We hide in the word and gain strength from these examples he’s placed before us. We remember that our reward is not in this life or in anything now. We spent and are spent and it’s okay—because we have eyes on him. Eyes that look toward eternity; that aim to please our Savior above all else. It’s the only way through. It’s the only way.
When our husbands hurt, we hurt. When our husbands are mistreated, we want to rise and act. Or run away. Sisters, it can destroy us. I understand why Job’s wife said, “curse God and die.” But if we can set aside our emotions, and yolk ourselves to him—we find the way through. We share in his sufferings. We attach ourselves, knowing there really is nowhere else to go. “To whom can we go?” He has life. He has all we need. His way truly is best. His plan is for our good. And by faith, we remember the great cloud of witnesses who have gone before us… and we trust that He who sees all is for us. He’s working for our good, and that the end of suffering—sisters, it’s glory. It’s resurrection life. Life, abundant. Whether in this life, or the next—that’s for him to decide. But it’s the way of the cross. And if our husbands are called to go through it, may he enable us to support them and stand by them as they do.
Other thoughts for further study:
James tells us, “You have seen the end of Job…” (5:11)
- Through all of Job’s suffering, he didn’t get the answers he was looking for. (Or maybe he did—because he wrote the book of Job) And yet—God gave a greater revelation of himself. And in the end, God rebuked the friends. God restored homes and wealth and even brought the blessing of new children.
Job 2:10 “If we receive the good from God, should we not also receive the hurt”
- What is your response when your husband is suffering? What is your response to financial trouble, deep trials, or unjust situations at the workplace or in the church?
- Job had a deep conviction, and thankfully was not taken out by his wife’s complaining. But not all men are like Job. The nagging wife has indeed corrupted many men and caused them to turn away. Can we receive the blessing and the trial? The rain on the just and the unjust?
