Hagar (the wife of Abraham)
When you’ve been left all alone
Scriptures for further study:
One evening, my husband made a quick comment that crushed me. I fled the room so no one could see the tears flood. The weight of sadness descended, and I threw myself on my bed, suppressing the sobs that came over and over again. Yet from the nearby kitchen, I could hear my husband, a true man of God, joyfully worshipping with our kids. I was dumbfounded. How could I be so crushed—and he so blissfully unaware of the pain caused? And as I held this question before the Lord, he reminded me of Hagar.
She’s served her master and his wife for so many years. She’s even agreed to Sarah’s strange plan to help them have a child. And then, with almost no explanation she is suddenly sent away, discarded by Abraham with as little a word as, “whatever Sarah wishes.” Can you imagine the deep, stabbing pain? The feeling of abandonment? The feeling of “If this really is a man of God—how can he do this? How can he treat me this way?”
But God had something he wanted to reveal to Hagar.
Sisters, for reasons I don’t understand, sometimes, our husbands are truly oblivious. Not all of them. But some. And all of them, sometimes. They may not notice. They may fail to pursue us when we long for them to seek us out. They may neglect to apologize. Not because they’re mean or cold-hearted, or not sorry. Honestly, sometimes, they are simply oblivious (remember the sacrifices for “accidental sins?” (see Leviticus 4:2).
And in these moments, when we feel abandoned, alone—maybe even used, like Hagar— we need to throw ourselves on the ‘desert floor,’ and find our Lord. We need to discover the one who sees all and understands fully. As we find our comfort in him, he lifts up our eyes. He reminds us of us word, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they’re doing.” He leads us to pray, in fellowship with him, for those who are bringing upon the deepest hurts. May God help us in these moments.
Because we love our husband; because we want him to come into all truth, because we long for the Lord to refine and purify our husband—not for our sake, but for his—we continue to pray. Yet in Christ, we go ahead and forgive. We remember how much we have been forgiven. We remember how much mercy he’s had on us. We remember how many sins we still sin against him. How many we are likely still not aware of. As we remember, we pray, and we’re able to go forward. We’re able to love; to forgive first; to live—by seeing Him who sees us. By remembering the One who prayed, “Father, forgive them” and asking, “Lord, teach us to pray (this way), too.”
But sisters. Here is something to notice. In her pain, in her weakness, in Abraham’s rejection and neglect and dismissal of Hagar— God used this moment to reveal something to Hagar. Not only for her sake, but for ours as well. And at the end of this special encounter with the Lord, Hagar declares, “Truly I have seen him who looks after me.” (See Genesis 16:13) Amid this moment when it feels all have rejected her—Hagar became acutely aware that there was One who saw her affliction. He knew all that had been done to her. He appeared to her. He comforted her. And in her encounter with him, suddenly she is strengthened. She can return, to “submit” to this one who has brought her such pain. Because she encountered the one who saw her.
Sisters, whether by accident or on purpose, there will be moments when the ones we love will deeply hurt us. The things they say, the way they treat us—will cause us to want to flee. And yes, there are moments when we must flee–to a bathroom or a closet or a moment outside. But in your fleeing—don’t fall into self-pity. Don’t use these moments to turn inward, remembering all the other wrongs that have been done, or the sins still unconfessed. These things lead only to anger and unforgiveness. But if we can lift our eyes up.
If we can discover the God who Sees in this moment, and offer our tears to him, we may just find him nearer, dearer, able to heal hurts we thought impossible.
Able to help us forgive, even without an apology. And in his kindness, he reveals himself a little more to us. The scripture comes to life. A living prayer rises in our hearts. He brings us to know him in ways we’ve never experienced.
And then, because our Lord is perfect in all his ways; because the God who we serve is somehow working to comfort Sarah and Abraham and Hagar all at the same time… Soon, after he gives comfort and healing; after he knows that we know that He is all; the Lord sends us back. He tells us, “Return to your [husband].” (Genesis 16:9) And we find we can, because the God who sees us, actually lives in us. The one who forgave on the cross was filled with love for those who hurt him. This is our God. This is the life he lives. It’s also the life put within us, to help us live this way too. Praise Him.
Other thoughts for further meditation and discussion:
- Have you been able to forgive before someone says, “I’m sorry.” What helped you to do this?
- Can you remember a time when some extremely hard season (or moment) led you to a deeper revelation of who God is? Have you ever had your experience proof useful in helping others later on?
- How did our Lord Jesus respond to times of unfair treatment? What about when he was on his darkest moment, alone on the cross?
- If Christ lives in us (Gal 2:20), and we have been given his eternal, resurrection life, how can we step into that life of Christ that enables us to “return”? It cannot be merely mimicking–there must be a spiritual transaction. Ponder and discuss what this looks like.
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