How One Forgotten Bible Story is Helping Me Talk to My Kids About Porn
The world is exposing our children to unwanted images at every turn. And it’s not just on social media anymore. Billboards, pop-up ads, and even the mainstream news sites regularly display almost naked women in suggestive poses.
Without even seeking them out, our children are encountering these images. No computer seems untouched. No school immune. Even the most guarded Christian homeschool families are wrestling with these things. We must help our families have these conversations earlier. Habits are formed from childhood. Reactions to images can be trained early.
Recently a friend asked, “Have you started talking to your boys about porn yet? How did you begin the conversation?”
Yes, I told her, we had. We started long ago, as we began reading through the Bible during our family devo time. (And let me tell you, I’m so glad we did… Because those conversations were much easier and less awkward at four and five and six and seven and than they are now with teenagers)
But the Bible gives us so many examples of how to flee temptation and how to turn away from evil–yet so many of these stories are kept from children’s Bibles. Of course, they’re awkward to talk about. But there’s a reason these stories are in the Bible, and I’d argue that today, more than ever, our children need these stories. And parents, we need to be familiar with them too, to be able to call them to mind and reference them over, and over and over, as we train the hearts and minds of our children. There are many stories we’ve discovered as we’ve read the Bible as a family that have helped us begin these conversations (David and Bathsheba, The Woman in Proverbs, Joseph and Potifer’s wife, among others).
But the very first place we discovered (and the story we’ve used over and over and over again), has come from a tiny passage that is left off of nearly every children’s Bible. (If you find one that includes it, let me know.)
The passage begins at the end of Genesis 9, hidden between the end of the flood covenant and before the Tower of Babel. And for some reason, of the last 350 years of Noah’s life, we are left only with this one story: of a drunken Noah, lying naked in a tent.
This is a passage I’ve been sharing with my children since they were young. We read it again yesterday in our Bible time and I just wanted to share it because … I love this story. Not because the story is great – but in this story, our God takes the most difficult topics and makes them teachable in a way that is clear and easy to understand, even for my youngest.
If you’re like … uh what? Because this story is so easy to miss … check out Genesis 9:18-28.
A few lessons to notice as you read through the story…
- When you drink too much, you start acting a little crazy. You lose your sense of judgment. You may end up naked in a tent with people staring at you and telling others.
- When you see sin (specifically nakedness in this case, but it could be broadened to include all sin, or narrowed to discuss pornography), you can have two reactions. You either hide it, or you can go and tell your friends/brothers/etc. We’re not talking about the love that tells because there is danger and you want to help and do what is right, but the one who tells to uncover and make fun and disrespect another. The Bible says, “he that covers a transgression seeks love, but he that brings a matter up again, separates intimate friends.” (Proverbs 17:9) One uncovered, and was cursed. Two covered, both literally and spiritually, and were blessed greatly.
- Finally, when Shem and Japheth hear of the nakedness – they turn their eyes away. They even go in backwards so as not to get a glance of their father as they cover him up.
Since my children have been small, I have shared the story with them time and time again. My four-year-old boy doesn’t know what pornography is, but he knows to turn away from nakedness. My nine-year-old boy is soon approaching an age where he will be exposed, I expect and have the opportunity to view pornography. Will I take every precaution possible to keep him from seeing these images? Of course, but these days, especially after having worked with youth for almost 20 years, I would be naïve to think he won’t see something soon.
Even beyond straight pornography, one does not have to look hard in our culture to find ladies with low-cut shirts and too-tight pants. A bathing suit ad pops up on the side of my screen, a news site shows an array of half-naked cleavage-baring celebrities … I don’t have to go any further… In our Instagram generation, the images are everywhere.
How can we use this Bible story to talk with our children about porn?
- When we see nakedness, what should be our reaction? (Turn away, Flee)
- Should we tell anyone if we see nakedness? (Yes, tell Mom and Dad. But don’t run and tell friends, like Ham (or some say it was Canaan).) And yet, Moms, how often is this exactly what happens in schools, on field trips, and yes, even on youth retreats? This is why we must tell these stories to our children.
- What is the proper response to seeing something like this? (Look at how Shem and Japheth responded. They walked in backward, so they wouldn’t see. And, with a blanket to cover, so others wouldn’t see.)
A final word about talking to our children…
The Bible tells us to “be on your guard, stand firm in the faith, be men of courage, be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14).
As we train our children in the word, and equip them to stand firm against the temptations of the world, consider adding this little-known story to an upcoming Bible time.
Flee temptation.
Cover up your nakedness.
Turn away your eyes.
These are not new lessons, but useful to take to heart, even from childhood.
“Before the Days of Evil Come…”
“Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come …” Ecclesiastes 12 tells us (vs 1). I believe the same is true of training our children. There is a world of trouble waiting to assault our children. But who will fight? Who will surround their children with the word, bathe them in prayer, and begin to have these conversations early in their family, “before the evil days come.”
It may mean setting apart time to slowly linger over the word together. It may mean repeating that same word of correction 7923 times. Maybe we more carefully guard our tablets, or remove them altogether. It surely includes prayer and taking the time to have these hard conversations—over, and over again. “Fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.” Nehemiah tells us. (4:14)
If it’s already too late, we must get on our knees and ask the Lord to redeem what’s been lost. But if we still have today, may the Lord help us to begin this needed work; to come alongside our children, to begin these conversations, to point them to the Lord while they are still small, “before the days of evil come.”
In Christ,
Katherine.
